"And neither is sexting, claims renowned sex therapist Dr. Marlene Wasserman (aka Dr. Eve) and author of Cyber Infidelity: The New Seduction. There’s no rehab remedy for this “addict” behavior. “I buy into the research that sexting is the ultimate high for exhibitionists and voyeurs,” Dr. Wasserman writes in her book.”
"To find out, I turned to Dr. Eve, the South African sex therapist who literally wrote the book on cyber infidelity. Right from the outset, Eve rejects the notion of “sexting addiction,” telling me that the addiction model is an unhelpful way to understand people who, like Weiner, seem helpless in the face of their self-destructive sexual compulsions. We shouldn't define people with problematic sexting behaviors as “addicts,” with the easy pathology and rehab “cure” that that implies.”
Read my contributions and comments on StyleCaster: “Outdoor sexual play pushes buttons that women need to become aroused and feel lust,” says clinical sexologist Marlene Wasserman, DHS. “There’s surprise and unpredictability, it’s a step outside your ‘responsible’ sexuality, and it can be empowering.”
Read my contributions and comments on StyleCaster: “I’ve seen people move from secrecy, silence, and shame into an open, cool, and trendy attitude toward sex toys of all kinds, from dildos to anal beads,” says clinical sexologist Marlene Wasserman, DHS.
I began by asking Dr Eve how she defines sensuality. “Sensuality is being completely in the moment and being aware of the possession of touch, sound, visual, and all the various sense components,” she stated. She placed a special emphasis on the importance of surrounding oneself with things that are aesthetically, physically and emotionally pleasing – things that are unique to you.
Tech Insider chatted to a former Ashley Madison user to find out what it's like to use Ashley Madison as a traditional dating site. Read about how the resulting relationships can be more open and satisfying than those that sprout from traditional dating sites.
"People date online not because they want to lose their partners or they're not happy or they want to replace their partners," Marlene says. "These are people who want to stay in a relationship, but because of the techonology, just [find themselves] suddenly in the lap of infidelity."
"Cyber infidelity is so different from real life infidelity," says Wasserman. "In real life you know you are betraying your vows of commitment and monogamy. The moment we step out of that bubble of monogamy we know."
"You feel as if you are in your own world and you've got your phone in your hand," Marlene says. "You don't feel that you're vulnerable in that space. You're not sneaking out the door, going to the hotel room. It feels completely comfortable and safe. You lull yourself into safety."
Couples and sex therapist Dr. Eve talks about the growing epidemic of online cheating and the psychology of people who deliberately communitcate in secret through texts, chats, e-mails and dating sites, even though they are in a close real-life relationship.
Below are notes and statistics exclusively provided by Dr. Eve from her new book, "Cyber Infidelity":
Do you think that more women than men cheat or is it about equal?
20-40% heterosexual married men
20-25% heterosexual married women
70% dating couples
Source: Henderson C.A New Infidelity Phenomenon, 2007
50-60% married men
45-55% married women
Source: Atwood J.D. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy 4(2-3):117-134
This increase in infidelity by women began as a result of women’s liberation when women got into the work place. Now it is equalizing itself across genders. There are still more risks for women than men with traditional infidelity: loss of security, reputation and stigma.
No one will know numbers of people committing Cyber Infidelity (CI) as it’s done online and in private. One of the primary unexpected outcomes of my research was the large presence of women who are engaging in CI: emotional, sexual, or viewing pornography.
What makes people cheat even when they are in a good relationship?
Traditional (in real life) infidelity reasons are different from cyber infidelity. Traditionally, it was because the wife did not understand him, her husband neglected her, and he wanted and felt entitled to sexual variety, bought, or freely available.
People online have no intention of committing infidelity — they are online already, ly intrigued by how she was going to define and introduce this new, untouched aspect of relationships- “Cyber Infidelity”.
Pondering about relationships and technology, I thought back to the very first time I chatted via SMS to a guy. I was about 13 years old… and I recall the excitement I felt waiting for that Nokia 3210 to play that Beep-Beep ; Beep-Beep monotone every time he replied. It was exciting and immediate."